Influencer Funerals Are Coming And Will Be Hell

Okay, there is one positive to take from #funeralcollabs – influencers will be dead. That is going to be something we should appreciate, but they are not going to go out without squeezing as many commercial opportunities out of their “lifestyle brands” as possible.

And what is a guaranteed part of life? Death of course.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Nah, no one would stoop so low”, but influencer couples are already deciding to have kids, not because they want a family, but because they need to diversify and create a new stream of income.

And if they will gladly sell their children into sponsorship, they’ll gladly sell their own death.

According to the Influencermarketinghub.com, the influencer market is going to be worth over $16 billion this year. The industry is growing year on year and brands need new opportunities to exploit.

So how will this all actually look?

Sponsorship

Funeral cars will be provided for free. Customised coffins will be supplied for nothing, once there are a couple of mentions in the eulogy for the designer.

The Happy Pear will be handing out vegan friendly Holy Communion. SoSueMe will have a dedicated line of fake tan for your pale dead body and Goss.ie will be the exclusive media partner. #TheDeadies

Influencer funerals will be invite only. You won’t be there because you’re a pleb. But you might win tickets with a like and share competition on Instagram.

There will be a VIP area to get selfies with the dead influencer. Funeral soup and sandwiches will be replaced by canopies. An Irish artist will be performing for free. Not because they care but because it’s a great platform to reach a new audience.

There will be an outfit change. For the deceased. Can’t wear the same outfit from the church into the ground now can we?

Photographers will be taking snaps of the congregation in front of some branded signage of the title sponsor. This funeral is proudly supported by Invisalign, Smile Yourself Into Hell.

Let’s not forget the hashtag, because there will have to be a hashtag. And if you don’t trend at your own funeral, did you ever actually matter?

What a time to be alive. And dead I suppose.