Should You Be Allowed Masturbation Breaks In Work?


It’s official: you work with a pack of wankers. 

A survey recently carried out by Time Out New York  found that almost 40% questioned said they went off for a cheeky one in the office during the day.

And I’m not sure how I feel about that. You? Because that means for every ten people that enter your work toilets, 4 of them are doing nothing more than squeezing one out and making baby Jesus cry.

And to take things further, there are calls for masturbation breaks to be included in your working day. To form some sort of ‘best practice’ for your staff(pun intended). Because 2017 can just keep getting more and more fucked up.


In an interview with, a man with a degree and a full time job claimed that wank breaks could be ‘very effective’ and a ‘great way to relieve tension and stress.’.

That man is Mark Sergent, a senior lecturer in psychology in Nottingham Trent University.

Continuing on, Psychologist and life coach Dr Cliff Arnall agrees and said:

‘I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling. Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.’

Note the worrying use of the word “policy” in there. A work policy detailing out your entitlements when it comes to getting in touch with yourself on the job.

And how exactly would that be managed? Is this going to become a perk of the job that fancy tech start ups incorporate into their offices?

Free food, a gym and a dark seedy room with high speed WiFi where you can pull the flute off yourself and relieve some work related stress?

The young talent of the future will only work for companies that provide complimentary wank rooms.

Healthy Option

In fairness, it is a healthier option than smoking. You will go blind, but no cancer and thankfully there is no second hand wank issues to worry about. (Usually).

It would just be a very odd situation to find yourself in. It’s one thing for your co workers to quietly bring their hands to their mouths and make smoking gestures to each other and hop out for a fag.

It would be another thing entirely to have someone stand up in the office and silently start making a handjob gesture your way to see if you want to go out for your daily “stress relief”.

And you wouldn’t want to cross your wires with the smoking/wanking thing.

“Hey man, can I bum a wank off you?”

“Sorry Dave…?”

Personally, I don’t think a masturbation friendly office would be a comfortable place to work.

In the meantime, why not campaign to bring these public wank booths to Ireland if wanking is turning out to be such an important public service.

Yep. Actually a thing.




Share : facebooktwittergoogle plus

Leave us a comment

Comments are closed.